Defacing my Lube

It seems like everyone has a favorite lube these days. The ol' trusty, hide-it-in-the-night stand type that you grab in a moment's notice, just when things start to heat up. Thing is, no one seems to know why they picked that brand in the first place.

Confession: I buy every single brand of pasta sauce Trader Joes has to offer in a calculated rotation in the hopes that I will stumble across the perfect mixture of tang, garlic, and chunkiness. (Mind you, finding the perfect sauce has not happened yet, but I am only up to Luigi's Homestyle Blend, so I still have much of the alphabet to go.) With lube, however, I think most people are apt to find something that gets it wet and then they stop looking. That is like settling for Prego because it is red. People, there has to be more out there!

Just yesterday I was musing over the many different kinds of lube when my eyes fell upon a bottle of Liquid Silk sitting on my partner's bedside table. I brought it home months ago to see what all of the fuss was about (it is by and away our best selling water-based lubricant) and it has not been moved from its place sandwiched between a silver picture frame (us in costume) and an Indian Garden take-out menu (still haven't tried it but refuse to move it to the kitchen). We were unimpressed by this lube. While more like a lotion that more traditional formulas, and while it does say wet without drying up or getting greasy, Liquid Silk tastes horrible. Like lemon juice and band-aids gone bad. If you are ever in the mood for oral action after dabbing on a bit of lube, this product will make you think again.

The one thing I love about Liquid Silk (and its hair-gel-like counterpart Maximus -- much better for anal play or fisting) is the pump top. Brilliant. Who wants to try and unscrew a tiny cap with sloppy fingers in the darkness anyhow?

So, yesterday afternoon while the pre-Fourth of July traffic honked its horns through the Castro of San Francisco and our new batch of home brew beer began to bubble in the pantry, I emptied out our bottle of Liquid Silk into the toilet. I even went as far as to peel off the label, leaving a bit of a sticky surface on the plastic. I then re-filled the bottle with Colt (men's? I say it can be for everyone!) water-based lube, a clear formula with much, much less of a flavor. Ta-da! Easy access lube for all occasions! Then I placed it back on the bedside table, without moving the menu of course. I can only accomplish so much in a single day.